I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
