from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
