Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
