I wanna passion pit in your ass
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
