just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
