you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
