remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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