I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
