When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
