have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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