just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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