I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
