I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
