WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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