this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
