If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
