btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
