The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
