Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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