honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
