Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
