I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
