we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
