i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
