I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
