Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
