i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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