So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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