if i can run in heels then i can drive
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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