tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
