They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
