Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
