You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
