Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
