Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
