I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
