You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
