matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
