dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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