well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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