fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
