Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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