i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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