Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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