Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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