last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
