standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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