Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
