just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
