im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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